Depression is something really personal as is everyone’s life journey. Even so, we can still find ourselves relating to another experience and maybe even pull strength from others success and struggles.
Today, I have a story I would like to share. A story of battling depression. Now, I’ve battled with depression for a large portion of my life and turned to a more holistic approach to cure it. Meaning I forced myself into a positive social life, ate healthy, worked out, prayed, and things such as that. It always seemed to work.
However, the story I’m sharing today is not your typical type of depression. I’ll be talking about deep depression. A time that I consider myself to be at the lowest point I ever felt in my life. I could not get out of the bed, I could not concentrate on my surroundings, and taking care of my body seemed to be the hardest thing to do (eating, bathing, etc).
I’m happy and grateful to say that today, I’m far from this state of deep depression I found myself in only a year ago. It was far from easy but I did it, Al-humdulilah (Thank God). Today, I will talk about the mindset that pulled me out of these dark times in hope to inspire even one of my readers today.
Are you ready? Let’s go.
The first step in healing is realizing that there is a problem, right? So let us start off as to how I feel into this very deep, dark, depression.
I was once married into an entire family of narcissists.
It wasn’t only my ex-husband who was the narcissist but the ENTIRE FAMILY was obsessed with themselves and their “status.”
The marriage was filled with a whirlwind of games, lies, debt, and false hopes.
Having them in my life had caused me a tremendous amount of trauma, anxiety, and yes, dark depression.
I constantly cried, to the point that my ex-husband would sit on the couch and watch me like I was the television set.
No emotion, no movement, just a cold stare, as I across the room hyperventilating.
It’s quite scary to this day, to think and look back on all those heartless moments.
I never experienced this amount of stress, struggling to live a normal life despite the lies I was being told. Despite being miles away from my tight-knit family, despite being surrounded by strangers that talked about me, lied to me, and only used me as a pawn
No matter how hard I tried, I just was not myself.
But here’s the thing…
I stayed in the marriage far too long because I refused to accept the fact I had a failed marriage.
I REFUSED to accept that I would have to stand in front of my family members with, yet again, another humiliating situation.
To tell you the truth, there were a dozen red flags even during the engagement. But, I was convinced that IT WAS TIME TO GET MARRIED.
I didn’t want to be single.
I wanted my own family.
“Every one of my peers’ lives seemed to be moving in motion except my own.”
Because of this, I found myself only concentrating on the pros of marrying this man while staying oblivious to all the overwhelming pile of cons.
Again, all because I could not accept that I might very well get married at 30, older, or never. It was the scariest thought.
Time was not waiting for me. I wanted it now.
Accepting that things will happen when they are supposed to happen
This was my greatest downfall and what led me to the marriage to begin with and why I stayed in it for as long as I can. Now, I’m not beating myself up and neither should you. But, it is important to know when a mistake is made and why you made it so you won’t find yourself in this situation again. Learn from your mistakes!
When you’re personally entangled in a situation especially an abusive relationship it’s extremely hard to even know you’re in one. And once you do realize that where you are is not right or safe, it’s even harder to figure out how to escape.
For me, the humiliation of having something so short lived, being vulnerable, and having EVERYONE know about it is what got to me.
Of course there is much more but we won’t get into that. The question is how did I wake up and come to the realization that I needed to get out of there?!
I asked myself these questions:
- Have I tried everything to make this work?
- Was this good for my mental and physical health?
- If I stay what will this look like 10 years from now?
- Is all this energy and time I invested and will have to continue investing worth it?
These are the questions I had to honestly ask myself, more than once. Honesty is another key factor here, being honest and loyal to everyone else is a great character trait. But most of us are not honest with ourselves and that’s why we may find ourselves in unfortunate situations, like I was.
I do want to add, that in no way shape or form am I encouraging divorce.
My story does not only apply to marriage but anything in life. This could be a job, a friendship, school, etc. In short, the rule of acceptance applies to anyone who may feel as if they’re going through a routine on autopilot while deep down inside feeling miserable over a long period of time. Knowing that the only reason they’re staying is because it’s what’s expected of them.
When you do decide to make this decision that may change the course of your life forever I advise these three things.
- Never make a decision led by anger or while you’re angry.
- Know the difference between bad days, months, or just a bad situation all together. In other words, sleep on it!
- Never, ever rush into from one bad situation to another. You may find that what you rushed into is just as bad or even worse.
- Pray on it. Whatever decision you make, consult with God.
My happiness is dependent on me
I’m blessed to say that I come from a tight knit family. We moved and leaned on each other during the good and hard times. I relied heavily on their emotional support due to a few tragedies in our lifetime.
The thing is, when I finally became an adult I didn’t automatically realize that my happiness was my responsibility. I felt more abandoned as our family grew and separated. But it was your typical growth; better jobs, larger homes, new schools, additional members caused us to live in different towns, have different routines, and eventually our own lives.
I did what was expected of me, I followed those around me by going to school, even though I had no idea what I wanted to major in, picked up a part time job because I wanted the money. Typical boring life things.
However, I always felt a sort of emptiness, I always felt myself too engaged into the life of others. Wishing I had that, wishing I could be here or there. Wishing I had someone in my life that understood me and was exactly where I was at in life. I searched for distractions, “friends” came and went.
It wasn’t until after my marriage, what was meant to be the ultimate lifelong friendship, failed, that I realized me and only me will be able to make myself truly happy.
It was up to me to find my own happiness and the people in my life were here to add on to my already happy life.
I realized that I can never expect another person to pick up the burden of making me happy with my own life. Even if they tried, they would one, not be able to continue forever, and two deprive themselves of their own happiness if they had to put all of their energy into my own.
“You can only be as happy as you allow yourself to be”
Letting go of the wrong done to me
Forgiveness is not about the other person, it’s a part of your healing process.
Forgiving another for the wrong they inflicted on you lifts bricks off your chest, allowing you to spout and fly into the amazing person you are meant to be.
You’re letting go of not just them but all the emotion you felt while and after they caused you hurt.
I can not express to you the anger I felt that those people had done so much to me and were not affected at all by the sadness and loss that they caused me.
I was upset that no one told them off and they were free to say whatever they wanted about me. After a while I just took a breath and I said to myself, God will take care of them, God knows my truth, God knows what I have gone through and I will put it in His hands.
A lot of people, especially those who have faced trauma, myself included, ask themselves why did this happen to me? Or, how could this have happened to me?
Let that go and move on with your life.
There are many resources and ways to help process trauma including therapy. I soon would like to make an article about what to expect from therapy as a POC, for those who are interested.
In any case, living in the past will never provide you happiness, even if the past were happy days.
This is why I say that it’s not only important but necessary for your growth in this life.
Relish and enjoy each and every chapter in your life. And when the chapters of your life are not great, take it as a lesson, learn from them.
Know that every day you wake up is a blessing and an opportunity. Let’s take advantage of these daily blessings. ♥
Knowing that people will always talk
I feel like this was an obvious one but so many of us can forget it.
People will always talk.
This is one of the things I was most afraid of, as I mentioned before.
What would people think of me? This is so humiliating. Everyone knows of my failed marriage and the stupid things I put up with while I was married. They’ll call me desperate, sad, pathetic.
All these thoughts, along with many many others, were running circling around my head.
This can also include family, people you expect to be on your side, which can make things even more complicated but a completely different relationship from everyone else.
“It’s important to know that you can’t control what people think but you can only control your actions.”
This is why you should have confidence in yourself and your decisions?
By honestly thinking things through and going after what you’re truly passionate about.
Trust in God’s Plan
I like to consider myself as a spiritual and religious person, I think that’s obvious by now.
Or at least I pray that I can be and try to do better everyday.
And I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where I am today without my faith.
To get through hard times I had to work hard, of course. But, I also had to completely submit to God.
We don’t know what trials or blessings will appear in the future.
And no matter how many loved ones are in your life, no one can truly understand your pain other than you and God.
You can vent all day to your family & friends but only God has the power to help your situation.
Talk to him. Submit to him. Give all your grief and burdens to him.
It is such a weight off your shoulders. You’ll find yourself wondering how you ended up with so many blessings when you were just in the darkest time of your life only months ago.
It empowers you to know that you’re never alone in this world. And it gives you the strength to do extraordinary things.
Building my relationships with loved ones
Energy is so powerful.
The energy in a room. The energy that people give off. All of it has a massive impact on you.
It was very important to me to surround myself with my loved ones. Even if, at that time, I wasn’t very talkative.
I forced myself out of the bed just to hear and listen to the chatter of their conversations about their day.
At the end of the day they’re my biggest cheerleaders.
When you close yourself off to society, you allow room for all your negative thoughts to overcome you.
This is especially important when you are going through depression. It’s good to have distractions.
It’s okay to laugh, even when you’re heartbroken.
I consider laughter as a medication for mental health.
I must say that watching the Office definitely lifted my spirits more than I imagined. There were times where I cried laughing
Sometimes we need help snapping out of phases and its a very good chance that our families could do just that.
Disclaimer: I am not a licensed mental health professional in any shape way or form. I simply am sharing my story in hopes to inspire others. Please do not replace my words with therapy. If you are feeling at risk to yourself, please seek professional help. I wish all of you the world of good and thank you so much for taking the time to read with me today.
I hope that this post meant touched you just even a little. I do not seek anyone’s pity but I only wish to share my truth in hopes that you can find your own. If you did like my content be sure to comment down below and join our monthly newsletter so you don’t miss out.
As always: Stay you, Stay true, Stay beautiful.
I go by ClassyQueeny and I’m the voice behind BreatheThenLive.com I encourage my readers to live their life practicing mindfulness, love, and peace. When life gets chaotic and out of wack- just breathe, take your time to find your footing. And when you’re ready, live the life you dream of, because nothing is out of your reach!